The Ur-Quan Masters Discussion Forum

You actually get upset when Fwiffo kills Kowalski, Fritz, Chin, O'Donnell, Luigi and all three of the Libermann triplets

When you speak to your pet toucans and pray for them to ally you.

When you don't look at your fish in the aquarium because, as the Arilou say, "If I tell you more, you will look where you have never looked before - and when you look, you can and will be seen". And you don't want to be snagged by that fish into *below*...

Or when you see a spider in the church and say, "He's praying to Dogar and Kazon".

When you see an caterpillar crawling  in the ground, you smash it with your boot and shout:
"HA! Take that, slaving alien slime!"

Or you scold your dog and say: "Go to the Star Control disciplinary committee!"

When you long for the days before your planet got slaveshielded.

...You actually quote the game to people who have never been exposed to it before. It tends to make you sound a bit like a raving loon.

...you can't stop checking the message boards related to the game despite a decade and a half, a wife and two kids, a college education, and a career all happening since you last actually played the game in ernest.

you get driving directions from your GPS, and you expect your car to drive there automatically in a single diagonal path.

Heh. With the exception of the wife and kids, this sounds strikingly familiar as well...

I think you're more a fan of the game's universe than of the game itself, then, guesst and Draxas.

Argh! I've actually forgotten if I have a wife since I last quit playing UQM, about 4 years ago... here, let me check.  ;D


So, if you have a wife, you do like this in the evening:
take her
gently wake her
and then perform ribald feats of unsurpassed fertility!
With her consent, of course.

You think of your friends as *Happy Campers*

you think that "*Dancing* With the Stars" is the Ultimate Fighting Championship!

You fall in love with Talana and spend your days drooling over a dusty keyboard, staring wildly at a dimly flickering screen

Ah! 4 years ago, UQM was released… this means that I NEVER left my seat since then!
Whoa, and I thought that pain I feel in my stomach was because Juffo-Wup fills in my fibers and I grow turgid…

... you look for the latest Frungy scores in the daily newspaper.

When you start a project to recreate the game, from scratch.

When you return home from work and run along a large building for a gravity whip. (And why do you want home?! For UQM!!!!)

When you sleep with your window open because you want to meet an Ariloulaleelay (as they say in the credits).

And...
When you write notes for posts on this forum on every sheet of paper you find (just as I do  ;)).

You phone to the 'PKUNKRA' number and ask : "What will happen to the Pkunk? I'm worried."  :)

When you refer to Fwiffo as though he's you best friend and the Chenjesu as gods.

When you can understand the Mycon and even reply in kind.

When you find yourself sympathising with the Kor-Ah

I think the game is great (though the universe definitely is what does it for me), I've just beaten it beyond death so many times at this point, that a playthrough from start-to-finish is really just for "old times sake" at this point.

Super Melee still rocks my socks, though.

Ah, same goes for me.
(though I like mining&bioing just as much as meleeing)

...you wonder how to hook up the Quasispace Portal Spawner to you bicycle so you can get home from work a bit faster.

...When you enter science class to find the room full of colorful ball-and-stick atom models, and mutter "Huffi-Muffi-Guffi" in the hope that it indeed is some sort of miniature Spathi fleet parked before your eyes.

...You look at Jupiter or another gas giant in the hope that you'll see glowy bits.

Sick, sick people...

.. You ask your wife to dress up as Talana and "show you the hidden functionality of my uniform - knife included!"

Until I die, I will never forget the first time I experienced that wonderful space station.

I also like to say "HAR HAR HAR" to people, but they think it's just a psycho laugh.

good times, good times.

-Kwamp

When you say that "Zn" is the symbol for the Zelnick element instead of zinc. Just what I just did.

when you're attacked by a mugger, and you exclaim: "Hold! What you are doing is wrong! Why do you do this thing?"

I think that's crossing the line between addiction and stupidity.

You know you're addicted when, after 15 years, the game still remains in your all time top 10, and you've already reccommended it to basically everyone you know at least twice.

Actually, you know you've been damaged by Star Control when you pick a fight with a violent, drunken motorcycle gang, and expect them to take their turns and fight you one on one.

Oh, and when your car/truck/plane/whatever runs out of fuel, you can count on some color-obsessed person to come sell you more fuel. Always.

...When it bothers you--really bothers you--that you can't look up the various plot-relevant stars on a real world astronomy map, because you don't know which ones they "really" are.

I mean, sure, I could find the star we call Epsilon Gruis, but it wouldn't be the same one.

Don't forget that after you beat up about half of them, you fully expect the other half to start calling you "Great Teacher," and look solely to your guidance in how they should continue to develop their gang.

A caterpillar approaches and you shout "Hold! What you are doing to us is wrong! Why do you do this thing?"

...When you see a green creature, a brown creature, and a blue creature all at once, and expect the green and the blue to bicker about pointless things while the brown one remains silent.

...The top of your gun shopping list reads "Hellbore Cannon".

...You can fully control a starship using only a directional pad or arrow keys and two to three buttons.

...Your favorite female costume involves blue skin coloring, a very skimpy outfit, and a knife.

...You encounter some teddy bear-like creature and go "It's The Ultimate Evil!!!" in that special Spathi voice.

...When looking for a talented doctor, you search for some weird, oddly-shaped meat blob with the crappiest ship in this sector of the galaxy.

...You think mowing the lawn is mass murder!

...When you hear the term "emo", you think of people wearing purple masks that only have holes for the eyes and purple robes.

...You think those "pterodactyls" were actually some sentient beings with a cowardly queen. As to what they were doing here...uplifting some primitive lifeform, perhaps?

...You think every corporate leader wears red, looks quite ugly, and dangles from chains.

When you create a race entirely from scratch and even make a Victory Ditty for them :S.

....you assume that a bus can survive more weapon hits than a main battle tank: There's more people in it!

I wish :P

You throw globs of suspicious looking green goo at someone when they call you ugly, and when they try to apologize, you flash a green flashlight at them.

Hahah I can just imagine that, creeping around them in a circle, throwing goo!

WHAT?!! That's what you would do with Paul Reiche III and Fred Ford?! Madman!

When your first thought, on hearing about a newly discovered Earth-like planet (http://www.sltrib.com/News/ci_5745592) is, "!! Gaia!" even though after you do a frantic search of the news, maybe not so much.

(!!!!! SO COOL!!!)

Umm, I already do that, they give me funny looks. :P  You know your addicted when you constantly search the internet for RP forums, you port the game to every handheld possible, and you write these kinds of things. 

When You write a novel
When You mourn for a destroyed ship

I actually did that.  It was odd, and didn't work.  I think is was a company phone number or something.

...You interrogate all the thin, bald people you meet for what they did to humanity and why.

...You think any stack of rocks is the last Taalo, and try to communicate with it.

When you see a mushroom and say its a Mycon. (Happened to Me once)
When you expect to see the sky colored red.
When you see the sky coloured red and you shake your fist at it.
When you see a green truck/car/plane and you expect fusion blasts to fire.
When you see a green truck/car/plane and say "Oh no! Its the Ur-Quan! I surrender!

When you go to KFC and order a bucket of Kentucky F.R.I.E.D. Chicken just to have proof that a Marauder can beat a Terminator.

Okay, maybe that was too complex.

When you're listening to a lecture on driving, and think to yourself, "of course being reckless is dangerous, you bump into the planet and lose crew!"

When you have remorses for the ¹/₂ cm³ of sugar you *dissolved* in your tea/coffee.

you wonder how mushrooms can live at temperatures so cold.

you call someone to invite them over, and immediately expect their car to appear in view of your house within a few seconds.

(If you're a wonam) You see a something pleasurable (something which is not appropriate for posting here) and you say, "OMG this guy has a Syreen Ship!".

Follow-up, VARIANT 1: You dodge the white stuff coming out of the Syreen Ship, lest you lose 2 crew.
Follow-up, VARIANT 2: (for nem) You consider that wonem attracted by your Syreen Ship are lesbian.

EDIT: Thanks Lukipela for reversing the above statement.

Shouldn't it be the other way around? You see something pleasurable and think "Oh, a Syreen Ship"

Start writing a stroy about the Androsynth

...When you begin running around, stating that we will all die in the small war of 2015. (Not far off! Only 7 more years!)

...When you think Megaman X ripped off the Melnorme Trader for having a charge-up weapon.

...When you think there will be superintellegent human clones on earth by 2015, being utilized as slaves.

...When you think Venus is green, and has fire running across its surface in addition to obscenely frequent thunder storms.

...When you think Uranus has no moons.

It DOES have a buttload of thunderstorms, that's true.  Fire?  not so much.

...you think every piece of ABC bubblegum is an Umgah spy, modified to be tiny.

...you go to a VG-con wearing a purple robe and mask. (I actually plan to do this someday!)

...you see IFL on TV listings, and for a second you honestly think that they're broadcasting International Frungy League games!

You plan on going to every planet and record what minerals, biological and energies it has. (Give me some time on this)

You question the sexuality of anyone who doens't think Talana is hot.

Or better yet, You question the sexuality of anyone who doesn't think Zex is hot!  ;D

I am really hoping Moosey is NOT the next in line...

Now that would be just silly  ;D

You design your car after one of the space ships

The Torch?

The Slylandro Probe that spins and confuses the traffic.

The Scout. Nobody would dare try to intimidate you on the road ever again.

The VUX Intruder would be an interesting idea for a race car. Instead of accelerating, you make everyone else slower. Sure, it's cheating, but you can take as long as you want!

You think the Ur-Quan could kick Darth Vader's ass.

You always have a rock in your pocket to protect you from psychic compulsion.

You think your mushrooms are going to come back to life inside your stomach.

You consider robbing a bank. With a vegetable.

Greetings everyone. Here we go:

When you wonder why NASA, ESA, etc. does not buy 2418-B probes -they make, for example, this one: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassini-Huygens (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassini-Huygens) to look like as a joke-.

Talking about Saturn, you think Saturn has no rings and just one moon, even if you've seen them (rings and other Saturnian moons) through a telescope.

Also, you see Alpha Centauri as a red supergiant, not as a triple system with two (more or less) sun-like stars and a red dwarf.

The Orz make sense to you

When you're annoyed you say *frumple*