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Title: Eternal Doctrine part II Post by: Tiberian on August 17, 2015, 05:32:39 pm (This is a copy of the post at PoNaF forum)
After a productive July, the second part of Eternal Doctrine is ready. This part contains chapters 7-12. You can get the PDF from here: http://koti.mbnet.fi/tibe9mm/Eternal_Doctrine_part_II.pdf For those who are not familiar with the subject: Eternal Doctrine is a direct sequel to Groombridge Log. Together these books give rebirth to the story of Star Control 2 as a novel. In case you have missed the subject entirely, the first novel, Groombridge Log, can be purchased from most online bookstores, including Amazon, both as an e-book and a printed copy. The PDF can also be found free of charge at http://www.star-control.com/hosted/Groombridge/Groombridge_Log.pdf As said earlier, Eternal Doctrine starts off exactly where Groombridge Log ended. The first six chapters of Eternal Doctrine can be found at http://www.star-control.com/hosted/Eternal/Eternal_Doctrine_part_I.pdf And since topics without an image are boring, here's one: (http://koti.mbnet.fi/tibe9mm/Groombridge_Log/sarjakuvaruutu.jpg) Title: Re: Eternal Doctrine part II Post by: CelticMinstrel on August 25, 2015, 09:53:49 pm Oooh, the reveal of the Groombridge Log is... rather surprising. Altogether this was an interesting read.
I see at least one more conditional phrase that's not correctly constructed - it's "If noun would have verbed, noun would have verbed" but it should be "If noun had verbed, noun would have verbed". (The one I noticed is on page 30, not sure if there are others.) Page 78: "the other one on Lydia’s head and the other one on her back" - you probably want to replace the first "the other" with "one". This is just a thought and not a correction, but I wonder if it would be better to use the term "plasma" for the Thraddash's exhaust - flames in space strikes me as really weird since there's no air. Title: Re: Eternal Doctrine part II Post by: Death 999 on September 03, 2015, 05:37:55 pm Unless the chemicals are contained by force fields!
Title: Re: Eternal Doctrine part II Post by: oldlaptop on September 05, 2015, 05:02:57 am Or there's some form of solid oxidizer/fuel mixture formed as a combustion product in the afterburner! (Like soot, only flammable in the vacuum of space.) Easy to imagine those little puffs as clouds of flaming dust, isn't it?
Title: Re: Eternal Doctrine part II Post by: CelticMinstrel on September 15, 2015, 06:49:35 pm Hmm, maybe!
Page 78: "the other one on Lydia’s head and the other one on her back" - you probably want to replace the first "the other" with "one". ...wait no, just remove the first occurrence of "the other". |