The prologue is... off. It works well for the game, but for this book it seems a bit... cheesy?
I don't know whether it's necessary. I'd consider leaving it out if the historical knowledge isn't that crucial.
After the Prologue it gets considerably better.
There are a few problems with... uhm.. is it called tense? I'm not sure.
You are German, I gather? If that's the case:
Die Zeitformen meine ich.
I'm only on page 21, so I cannot say much, but this is what I am talking about:
Quote
Ever since they started working on the station eight years
ago, they’ve been receiving a constant encrypted signal from
the Moon base.
This should rather beago, they’ve been receiving a constant encrypted signal from
the Moon base.
Quote
Ever since they had started working on the station eight years ago they had been receiving a constant encrypted signal from the Moon base.
Also it feels a bit off to talk about "a constant encrypted signal". I'd use something along the lines of "periodic encrypted signals" or something like that. For a constant stream of, well, signals I'd always use the plural.I'm not far in (as already stated) so I cannot give that much feedback, but I wanted to get that out of the way, as it seems a bit jarring.
Ah, one more thing:
Quote
Hayes started walking towards the door.
A short while ago I read a blog post on a fanfiction site about constructions like this and strongly discouraged using forms like "started <actioning>", "proceeded <doing>"... While they do make what is written more varied they only serve as filler and in many cases don't read that well.