The Ur-Quan Masters Home Page Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
June 15, 2024, 05:11:47 pm
Home Help Search Login Register
News: Celebrating 30 years of Star Control 2 - The Ur-Quan Masters

+  The Ur-Quan Masters Discussion Forum
|-+  The Ur-Quan Masters Re-Release
| |-+  Starbase Café (Moderator: Death 999)
| | |-+  It’s about anger management.
« previous next »
Pages: [1] Print
Author Topic: It’s about anger management.  (Read 2628 times)
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 656

Don't mess with the US.

View Profile WWW
It’s about anger management.
« on: December 16, 2005, 08:43:45 am »

What follows is a very funny story a friend e-mailed me. It made me laugh so hard I just had to post it.

It’s about anger management.

Story Begins:

       I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd
Forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

       I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn

       Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right
f***ing number!"  and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't
believe that anyone could be so rude.

       When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found
That I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

       After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number

       When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an
asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole'
next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I
was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
"You're an asshole!"  It always cheered me up.

       When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic
'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said,
"Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see
if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"   He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

       One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

       A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I
had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW
asshole, too.

       I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

       He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

       He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in yellow rambler, and the car's parked right out in front."

       I asked, "What's your name?"

       He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

       I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

       He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

       I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

       He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

       Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

       Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

       Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.

       He said, "Hello."

       I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

       He asked, "Are you still there?"

       I said, "Yeah,"

       He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

       I said, "Make me,"

       He asked, "Who are you?"

       I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

       He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Asshole, I live at
34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

       He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

       I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

       Then I called Asshole #2.

       He said, "Hello?"

       I said, "Hello, asshole,"

       He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

       I said, "You'll what?"

       He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

       I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over Right now."

       Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I
Lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover!

       Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on
Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.?

       I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got
There just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

       NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

There are none so blind as those who will not see. — Jonathan Swift

My Remake of UQM.
My 2D physics engine
Both are written in C#.
*Many bubbles*
Offline Offline

Posts: 100

View Profile
Re: It’s about anger management.
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2005, 10:52:04 am »

Yikes, that's one hell of a story. That's manipulating people. Ok, I probably would've been annoyed myself, but I wouldn't respond like that. For one, I am too friendly. Two, I am too lazy to call that guy again. (Then again, I use a phone maybe once or twice a year. All the other times is when I pick it I up and find someone who wants to speak to my parents)

And anger management. Well, it may sound silly, but I just repeat this thought a few times in my head:,, I am void." Sounds silly, but it works. Basically, I've taken it from star control (Mycon and their void and non thing) and star trek (Vulcans). I try to shut down or at least lower my emotions. Not because I want to become a walking computer, but because I think agression, jealousy and such doesn't help anything. You either go out and beat up someone (I can't do that, I'll be honest when I say I'm a wimpy, weak coward. It has kept me out of trouble though.) or you jell at people and get a sore throat, or you do nothing and get filled up by it.

Ok, that's enough of psychological talk. Time for breakfast.

,,That was the worst and most boring movie I’ve ever seen. Lousy special effects.” Sergeant ironhead. The real reason why the alien brain on Cydonia was destroyed while in the middle of displaying a message telling the X-com operatives not to fire.

Hoe meer zielen, hoe meer vreugd! (yes I'm dutch)
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1112

*Hurghi*! Krulle is *spitting* again!

View Profile
Re: It’s about anger management.
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2005, 02:19:36 pm »

Old one... Passed around as a german story some 8 years ago.

But a nice translation.


BTW: I would not recommend doing this. Number recognition is quite standard today....
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 917

Good Grief

View Profile WWW
Re: It’s about anger management.
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2005, 01:51:36 am »

It's very obviously a joke, but it's still funny
as hell.

What sound does a penguin make?
Pages: [1] Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  

Login with username, password and session length

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!