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News: Celebrating 30 years of Star Control 2 - The Ur-Quan Masters

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Author Topic: New Study Suggests That Star Control Prevents Crime  (Read 1953 times)
Grakelin
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New Study Suggests That Star Control Prevents Crime
« on: December 24, 2006, 06:20:30 am »

A new Study (conducted by me) has proven that Star Control prevents crime.

Recently, in the Halifax region of Canada (there are fish there, and once there was a big explosion that killed lots of people), teenage swarmings have become a huge issue. One friend of mine claims that a gang that calls itself "The Jumpers" lives down the street from her and commonly attacks weaker children. How can we protect our youth? Why, we must come forth with a new Star Control game!  Here is a mathematical calculation to show you:

SC4 + Small individuals + Those Pothead Teens who'll try anything once + parents busy playing = Nobody on the street = No crime.

Apply this theory to Detroit, New York, Afghanistan*, or Los Angeles.

This will also help prevent video game-related violence. Unless some kid shows up at school one day with a Spathi Eluder, I'm pretty sure Star Control can not in any way be blamed for any amount of youth violence.


---

*Taliban playing Star Control means they AREN'T manning their rockets. They never seem to hit anything, but it DOES cause headaches for the men and women at that base when they have to hide underneath their bed all night, protected only by a helmet, forced to wait out the attack.

Also, as bad as it is out there, many of them DO bring laptops and the like, and they DO work, though not on the internet. If they were all playing Star Control, their morale would be greatly improved.

Support your troops in the Middle East: New Star Control game!
« Last Edit: December 24, 2006, 06:27:51 am by Grakelin » Logged
meep-eep
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Re: New Study Suggests That Star Control Prevents Crime
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2006, 06:36:02 am »

Star Control for Taliban? Are you sure you want to see Syreen in a burka?
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“When Juffo-Wup is complete
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Grakelin
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Re: New Study Suggests That Star Control Prevents Crime
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2006, 07:04:56 am »

They only need to wear a burka if they're NOT your wife or daughter. There can be a SyreenWife catching minigame. It'll be a blast.
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Culture20
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Re: New Study Suggests That Star Control Prevents Crime
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2006, 04:16:56 pm »

Star Control for Taliban? Are you sure you want to see Syreen in a burka?
Meep, you wouldn't believe what a Syreen can do with her eyes.    Shocked
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