The Ur-Quan Masters Home Page Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
December 01, 2022, 07:08:51 pm
Home Help Search Login Register
News: Celebrating 30 years of Star Control 2 - The Ur-Quan Masters

+  The Ur-Quan Masters Discussion Forum
|-+  The Ur-Quan Masters Re-Release
| |-+  General UQM Discussion (Moderator: Death 999)
| | |-+  Peeru Fanfic discussion
« previous next »
Pages: [1] 2 3 Print
Author Topic: Peeru Fanfic discussion  (Read 14186 times)
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3868


We did. You did. Yes we can. No.


View Profile
Peeru Fanfic discussion
« on: March 11, 2008, 03:02:27 pm »

For a long time (around five years) I've been tossing around a fanfic. This is the thread for discussing that fanfic. I have posted it in a different thread so that  it can be read without interruption. Said thread is here:
http://forum.uqm.stack.nl/index.php?topic=4032.0


Three notes:

1: there is more. I just haven't put the italics into bbcode yet.
(edit: I have caught up and written past where I was when I started. Things will be slower from here on)

B) there is a lot of 'fanon' I had to make up, of course. Don't rely on this as being strictly right.

III - in fact, don't even rely that it strictly fits within existing canon. You may note that the Druuge conversation goes slightly out of order in the first section. Further events occur which cannot occur within the game engine, and would reasonably be expected to be represented if they occurred. This does not bother me. If it bothers you, well, I'm so very sorry but that's how it goes.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2008, 06:07:47 pm by Death 999 » Logged
AngusThermopyle
*Smell* controller
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 304


A paranoid android.


View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2008, 04:21:57 pm »

Good read so far. Keep it coming!
Logged
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3868


We did. You did. Yes we can. No.


View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2008, 04:49:31 pm »

Thank you! I was wondering what people thought.

What was your least favorite part? I'm not above fixing things or cutting dull parts.


I'll be able to put up the second half of what I've got tomorrow.

Logged
AngusThermopyle
*Smell* controller
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 304


A paranoid android.


View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2008, 05:43:30 pm »

Not so much a 'least favorite part' per se, but I think it would be neat to know more of what Peeru thought of the other Alliance races. The Druuge perspective is unique (ie, always evaluating races based on profitability/exploitability potential). So their views on the Pkunk, for example, might be very interesting. Perhaps the Druuge also have prior dealings with some of the Alliance races which could provide some interesting back story.

Otherwise, I enjoyed reading it and look forward to future installments.  Cool
Logged
alanahikarichan
Zebranky food
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 32


deviant schoolgirl on speed


View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2008, 07:10:25 pm »

I like it a lot! I love stories from the POV of non-human races, and working from the perspective of a Druuge captain... Ha, it's very enjoyable. :3

There were a couple things that bugged me:

You spend a lot of time with Peeru's thoughts, and not much time on-- I don't want to say the physical, exactly, but a bit more description of the environments, of how things LOOK to Peeru, or how Peeru herself reacts to all these things, or even "she felt disgusted that whatsisface broke off the whachum because of her lack of femininity" instead of her thinking how disgusted she is.

Your Zelnick also strikes me as a bit too... collected. Whether you play the game as a nice guy or not, he's kind of a tactless dork a lot of the time, and while smart, he's not always aware of what's going on. (GLOWY BITS! much? XD)

Also, purely a formatting thing, but putting an extra paragraph break between paragraphs makes text easier to read online, especially since indenting isn't exactly easy on forums. XD

Still, DESPITE ALL THAT, I really enjoyed what you have up, and I'm definitely looking forward to more~! This is a great idea, and you're pulling it off far better than I would have expected.
Logged
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3868


We did. You did. Yes we can. No.


View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2008, 08:35:34 pm »

Angus: As far as prior Druuge contact with other alliance races is concerned, I'm thinking 'no' to those we've met. They're all really far away. Perhaps Syreen and Yehat, when we meet them. I have a lot of interesting plans around them.
As far as commercial exploitation, heh. You'll see tomorrow.

Ala...chan:
As far as appearance is concerned, I tried to do all that, but I found that it would take slightly longer than what I've put up so far for her to get into her ship! I am trying to not get bogged down in what she considers totally ordinary, which is near sensory deprivation aside from her knee-mounted displays (Thinking back on it, I didn't mention that detail in what I've put down here... added!), by the design of the crimson corporation. Descriptions will be much more detailed when it comes time for her to leave the ship, which is soon, because she is unfamiliar with the environment. And because the environment will have more than dull gray walls and towers and chains chosen to keep one's attention on one's knees.
(edited to add: oops. I forgot she did leave the ship. Well, I added a little more detail. Hmm. just thought of some more.)

You're right, I haven't got Zelnick's 'voice' down. Still, it's possible to avoid some of those really wacky dialogue options. I had a hard time conceiving of someone who would take such options being able to lead effectively. Also, he's been at this for several years. He's not following the walkthrough, after all. But all that aside, you're right. I'll see if I can work that in earlier than I have.

Formatting fixed.

Thanks!
« Last Edit: March 13, 2008, 09:17:48 pm by Death 999 » Logged
alanahikarichan
Zebranky food
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Posts: 32


deviant schoolgirl on speed


View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2008, 09:25:20 pm »

Ala...chan:
As far as appearance is concerned, I tried to do all that, but I found that it would take slightly longer than what I've put up so far for her to get into her ship! I am trying to not get bogged down in what she considers totally ordinary, which is near sensory deprivation aside from her knee-mounted displays (Thinking back on it, I didn't mention that detail in what I've put down here... will do), by the design of the crimson corporation. Descriptions will be much more detailed when it comes time for her to leave the ship, which is soon, because she is unfamiliar with the environment. And because the environment will have more than dull gray walls and towers and chains chosen to keep one's attention on one's knees.

You're right, I haven't got Zelnick's 'voice' down. Still, it's possible to avoid some of those really wacky dialogue options. I had a hard time conceiving of someone who would take such options being able to lead effectively. Also, he's been at this for several years. He's not following the walkthrough, after all. But all that aside, you're right. I'll see if I can work that in earlier than I have.

I'll fix the formatting.

Thanks!

You can just call me Alana, if you like. :3

But you're writing the story from 3PPOV-- limited third person, yes, but you can still mention things that don't actually fall under her attention because they're so very mundane. You've obviously thought a lot about your worldbuilding and the structure of the Corporation, so put some of that to use! Frex, In my fanfic I'm writing from the POV of a VUX, just because he KNOWS that the way you treat an injured head-tentacle is immobilizing the injured part in a stiff wrapping, and even though he KNOWS that he adores Admiral ZEX (but thinks ZEX can be a thrice-damned idiot about humans), doesn't mean my readers know it, too-- so there's no harm in me describing him wrapping an injured head-tentacle to immobilize it, or in me describing "He hissed in quiet fustration; as loyal as he was to his Admiral, he wished ZEX would just shut up about Humans."

(But then, I'm a bit of a sucker for description. XD SO MY OPINION IS A BIT BIASED.)

See, I don't think that Zelnick being a tactless dork makes him unfit to be a leader-- it's more important that he can think and act quickly, and that he can organize the people working with him. Not having anything blocking the path between your brain and your mouth doesn't mean that your brain can't work perfectly well~ and while I agree that, after several years, he might have gained some seriousness, even dialog options that shouldn't show up until "late" in the game have his particular brand of "charm" about them.

... oh dear, uh, this is all personal interpretation. XD *Loves debating* Don't take anything I say too seriously~ I have pretty strong opinions, and lack anything blocking the path between my brain and my fingers. Cheesy (There's a reason I find Zelnick a very identifiable protagonist!)
Logged
Simon K
Frungy champion
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 70



View Profile WWW
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2008, 12:02:59 am »

Masterful.

My wishlist:
* I'd like to read more about those Arilou. When I played the game, I often imagine the crew interaction in my final, heavily multi-racial entourage, and I always wondered exactly how two races that, in terms of philosophy and general approach to life, are so nearly polar opposites as the Arilou and Druuge, would get along. Also, the Arilou is my favourite SC race, along with the Yehat and Melnorme.

* Speaking of which, it'd be great if they encounter Melnorme at some point -- we'd get to learn more about the conflict between the Melnorme and the Druuge.

In my opinion, it's perfectly all right to be not-entirely-canon-compatible, especially when you're writing about a game setting. Speculate! My favourite SCWC fanfic is "Honour", a lot of how we get to see Yehat society in there has next to no basis in the game, but it's great anyway. Likewise with a lot of the Starflight fanfiction -- they're stories set in the game, not retellings of the game. The author gets to have some creative control -- even in a fanfic. As long as you don't do something blatantly stupid, like involving battlemechs, Imperial Star Destroyers or magical Anime girls, I won't complain.

As for Zelnick's voice, I generally think of Zelnick as a character who develops throughout the story. He's very young when he suddenly finds himself captain of the precursor vessel, when the original captain dies. You can pretty much expect him to be a bit immature in the beginning of the story. I think you nailed my impression of an older, more galaxy-smart Zelnick pretty well -- although, perhaps, Zelnick would be more prone to letting off a joke every now and then.

But, as said, masterful. Keep it up.
Logged

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
Elvish Pillager
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 625



View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2008, 02:29:56 am »

Dreadnought is spelled with an O. (Real comments coming later.)
Logged

My team of four Androsynth and three Chmmr is the most unfair team ever!
My mod
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3868


We did. You did. Yes we can. No.


View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #9 on: March 14, 2008, 05:10:58 pm »

Masterful.

Aww *blush*

* I'd like to read more about those Arilou.
...
* Speaking of which, it'd be great if they encounter Melnorme at some point -- we'd get to learn more about the conflict between the Melnorme and the Druuge.

Even if you hadn't asked, you would have received. These are too juicy to pass up.

As long as you don't do something blatantly stupid, like involving battlemechs, Imperial Star Destroyers or magical Anime girls, I won't complain.

Orz marine suits, Hierarchy capships, and psychic purple space amazons are as close as I'm planning on getting.

perhaps, Zelnick would be more prone to letting off a joke every now and then.

I doubt you can find more than the tersest conversation in this fanfic in which he doesn't tell a joke. Many of them are no good. That's part of my point.
But also, I imagine that he is a lot more flamboyant when speaking with those he isn't familiar with, as a defense mechanism. Look how sharp his conversation options with Hayes are. You don't get to see him in much conversations like that in the game, of course.

EP:  Roll Eyes Cheesy


Okay, so I put up Part 6. It's a lot less than I promised, but I had something dumb I decided to cut from part 7 and I need to check it over to make sure everything remains consistent with its absence.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2008, 02:53:42 am by Death 999 » Logged
Elvish Pillager
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 625



View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #10 on: March 15, 2008, 11:22:18 am »

Well; the Druuge society breaking canon bothers me a little personally, but since it's necessary to have the Druuge actually make interesting characters, it's a good departure. Same for the combat dynamics not quite matching the ships' abilities in melee.

Overall, I like it a lot. There's only a few places that seem forced or awkward to me. To be honest, those are the places where you don't break canon. It feels like you're just writing certain alien characters (the Druuge and Pkunk in particular) how you know they're supposed to be without really understanding them.

Anyway, good work! And find-and-replace "Dreadnaught" already. Tongue
Logged

My team of four Androsynth and three Chmmr is the most unfair team ever!
My mod
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3868


We did. You did. Yes we can. No.


View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #11 on: March 17, 2008, 05:06:57 pm »

Well; the Druuge society breaking canon bothers me a little personally, but since it's necessary to have the Druuge actually make interesting characters, it's a good departure.

How so? I think there's considerable room within the canon for interpretation of Druuge, so long as you realize that all of the Druuge you get to talk to in-game are not in typical positions, and are most heavily monitored, etc. If there is a company line, they'll have to hew to it most closely.

You must have something specific in mind here, so I'd like to know.

Same for the combat dynamics not quite matching the ships' abilities in melee.

If you are referring to anything beyond the obvious changes...
- More than two ships in a battle
- continuous fire angles
- three dimensions
- Ur-Quan fighters can be instructed to stick around
- less well-measured ship stats are simulated in varying ways intentionally
... I'd like to know, so I can be making these changes consciously.
Or if you mean a marauder accelerating hard, I of course mean as hard as it can. It doesn't need to be all that fast to hurl a FRIED an unexpectedly large way off to the side.

It feels like you're just writing certain alien characters (the Druuge and Pkunk in particular) how you know they're supposed to be without really understanding them.

Pkunk, yes. It's hard to write them consistent with the story without playing them to the hilt, and I'm not sure it'd be worthwhile.

I hope to get into more of the whys of Druuge society in a bit (not sure where to fit it in), and that may alleviate this feeling in respect to them.

~~~~~
Tweaks made. I adjusted the first part to fill in some details (most notably adding a small section before what was the beginning), and executed 's/dreadnaught/dreadnought/g'
« Last Edit: March 17, 2008, 06:02:48 pm by Death 999 » Logged
Elvish Pillager
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 625



View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #12 on: March 17, 2008, 10:43:53 pm »

You must have something specific in mind here, so I'd like to know.
Yes - I don't think a Crimson Corporation employee ever has the leisure to act on a personal grudge.

Same for the combat dynamics not quite matching the ships' abilities in melee.

If you are referring to anything beyond the obvious changes...
[...]
... I'd like to know, so I can be making these changes consciously.
Well, the stuff you listed, the fact that space doesn't wrap (which makes Druuge vs Earthling much harder) and the fact that ships can be partially disabled instead of just losing crew.
Logged

My team of four Androsynth and three Chmmr is the most unfair team ever!
My mod
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 3868


We did. You did. Yes we can. No.


View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #13 on: March 18, 2008, 05:51:42 pm »

Oh, right, those modifications. Yup.

Yes - I don't think a Crimson Corporation employee ever has the leisure to act on a personal grudge.

Anyone can do that if they can arrange plausible pretext. Then the Corporation does the punishing. Observant people will piece together why, but officially it was disinterested. VP's have a lot more leeway to generate such reasons for the Corporation to punish the employee than normal managers.

Or do you mean to further imply that they do not have the leisure time to have personal relationships of any kind at all?

Also, I wonder whether you think the Pkunks' representation in parts 10 and 11 breaks up the charicature impression.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2008, 06:10:03 pm by Death 999 » Logged
Elvish Pillager
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 625



View Profile
Re: Peeru Fanfic discussion
« Reply #14 on: March 18, 2008, 08:22:19 pm »

Or do you mean to further imply that they do not have the leisure time to have personal relationships of any kind at all?
Yes, or at least personal relationships as we know them.

Also, I wonder whether you think the Pkunks' representation in parts 10 and 11 breaks up the charicature impression.
Yes, it seems more natural now.
Logged

My team of four Androsynth and three Chmmr is the most unfair team ever!
My mod
Pages: [1] 2 3 Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  


Login with username, password and session length

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!