|
Pages: 1 [2] 3
|
 |
|
Author
|
Topic: Peeru Fanfic discussion (Read 15169 times)
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
 Offline
Gender: 
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
On the relationship front, I do not think that allowing that there might be some free time at all would be a continuity violation, that's all.
I have tweaked part 10. Most significantly,
- We learn in the training segment with Tinkafo that Peeru's interface is not immersive.
- I lengthened Kaandor's argument with Martin four more lines so as to reveal that the Druuge have variable magnification telescopic eyes.
And in parts 2 and 3:
- It is clarified that Peeru has her personal effects from home.
- Peeru's departure from the Vindicator was cut, being dumb.
- Peeru's thoughts about the safety net have been cleared up to be more consistent with Druuge economic considerations.
I have not begun part 12. Further updates as events warrant.
More tweaks, principally:
2: I incorporated an overview of the situation that has a more plausible history behind it, in particular incorporating the hints they received from the arilou homeworld: Syreen location known, No more Androsynth.
The Arilou homeworld hint about the mycon isn't conclusive enough IMO to contradict his not knowing about the deep child egg cases.
Added Tanaka.
10: extended the discussion of where to go, mentioned getting the VUX beast already. I do have a consistent line of reasoning leading to the order of portals, and we get a hint of that here.
(
central - arilou - while going back with no spawner. That it returns to same point suggests that these portals lead to consistent places, but it's no guarantee.
NE, closest to arilou home - arilout alternate
closest to center without being center - Ilwrath
looks like a pattern so far, with QS being a rotation and contraction of HS. Test this by heading off to one side
SSE portal - Yehat-Mycon-Vux portal. This hypothesis looks good, but it does mean almost all of the QS portals are off the map. Let's try one.
far W portal (Delta Lyncis). Well, crud. One last try, get the fourth corner...
N portal - Druuge. Okay, no pattern. Take it clockwise from here.
)
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: March 20, 2008, 03:57:43 pm by Death 999 »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
I added to part 11. Part 12 is tentatively complete, and has been posted. You may notice that I changed some Druuge names to make them consistent with the pattern of druuge captain names. However, I'm thinking of going and keeping the old ones anyway. Some of the new ones are just dumb-sounding. Also, I'm still trying to settle the year length, which is why there are some rather... long... sounding time spans listed here. Just keep in mind it's not an Earth year.
Now the news is out of the way -- I asked what peoples' least favorite bits were. What are your favorite parts?
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: March 30, 2008, 04:07:14 am by Death 999 »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
I zapped part 12 on the grounds that it sucked.
I'll be backing off on the tightness of the narrative - that is, I'll have bigger gaps between scenes - so we can get somewhere in the story before it drags on too long.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
All right! Update! I added two more sections.
Thoughts?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Shiver
Guest
|
After ignoring these two threads for months, I read the whole thing from start to finish just now. Seems decent. The thing I like least about this fanfic is how confusing it gets with the names, especially when you've got the three flavors of Zoq-Fot-Pik, Pkunk, Arilou and Spathi all running around. It gets disorienting. I would appreciate it if you described the non-human, non-Druuge characters in a little more detail. You've got the Druuge nailed down pretty well IMO.
EP said you had the combat mechanics wrong without going into much detail. The only one that struck me was that you had a Slylandro Probe catch a Pkunk Fury over an extended chase. This would not happen in the game. The Pkunk Fury's top speed is 64, while the Probe only moves at 60. I could personally care less about this. The combat mechanics you're using fit the game well enough for my taste.
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: August 13, 2008, 01:38:40 am by Shiver »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
What? I thought they were *exactly the same speed*. Oops. I could indicate that Jay was actually doing fine when going around, that he was stringing it along going under top speed- and that only when Jay took the hard turn did it really catch up.
(edit: it looks like I can't change those old posts. Hmm.)
Should I post the character list? Broken up by chapter?
Especially towards the end, we several new crewmembers not previously seen are introduced without coming 'on-camera' -- Heeran, and Nuun. And Trifop suddenly gains prominence.
Which non-human-or-druuge characters are you thinking of? There are Jay, Tippy, Porm and Koos, Tifiwilo... and a bunch of background characters like Pkunky who only exist in that they had something to say during the debriefing after the mock battles.
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: August 13, 2008, 02:53:14 am by Death 999 »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
I have radically revised part 13. There were, I realized, interesting things to show rather than just skipping over. Then I cut it off at the obvious stopping-point.
The trimmed material will go in section 14, when it comes out; it will similarly be expanded upon.
I have realized that I erred in part 2, and the cut part of part 13, in that I forgot that Zelnick and crew would know that there are no more Androsynth, only Orz, due to IDF experimentation, via the Arilou.
Here is the cast list. Numbers in brackets indicate the part(s) they appear in or are referred to by name; with tilde, referred to not by name.
the crew of the 1038, including all the characters I haven't mentioned. A blanket rundown of the ship's roster without names was given in part 1.
Faazur (M), captain (up to partway through part 1)
Peeru (F), captain [all parts]
Muugko (M), lieutenant [1-13]
Trifop (M), communications (watchholder) [3, 12-14]
Feres (F), navigation (watchholder) [1, 7, ~9, 12-14]
Genlo (M), gunner [~10, 11 - 14]
Kaandor (F), chief engineer [4, 10 - 13]
Heeran (F), engineer [12, 13]
Wugyup (M), technician (until part 7) [3, 7-10, 12-14]
Nuun (F), technician specializing in cannon maintenance [12, 14]
Guuni (M), technician specializing in propulsion system
Maaruk (F), technician specializing in power system
Vaando (M), technician specializing in food service [12, 13]
Faanso (F), trainee
Nabek (F), trainee [3, 7, 12]
Martin Ndeki (M, human), engineer specializing in aiien technology (starting part 10) [10, 12, 13]
Characters back on Druuge homeworld, at the time of the beginning of the story:
Foomp (M) Peeru's boss, director of offworld trade [1, 2, 7, 9]
Kahso (M) Peeru's ex-fiance-analog, presently assistant director of acquisitions [1]
Ganjak (M), aka Goonac. Heeran's father [11, 12]
Captains of the Fleet as it existed at the inception of the story:
Zelnick, the Captain [1-3, 5-15]
Fwiffo (M Spathi) [5, 11, 14]
Wu (M human) [2, 3, 9, 13] Peeru's first trainer, captain of the green team.
Abrams (M human) [5]
PorKoo ( = Porm & Koos, M Pik and F Zoq, respectively; and ', Fot ), captain of the gray team [4-8, 13]
Jay (M Pkunk) [4, 5, 8, 9, 11-13]
Snelopy (? Spathi) [4, 5, ~6]
Pkunky (? Spathi) [5, ~6] ( <-- should I change this one? )
Tifiwilo (? Arilou) [4, ~5-6]
Tinkafo (? Arilou) [5, 6, 10] Peeru's second trainer
Wewalia (? Arilou) [~5-6]
Other characters:
Fenson (M) Zelnick's attache [2, 7]
Raman (F) unspecified rating [7]
Tippy (M Pkunk) programmer, unknown rank [10-13]
Simpson (M) programmer, unknown rank [10]
Hayt (M) programmer, unknown rank [10]
Bihouta (F) ensign [12]
Ian Fesch (M), petty officer second grade, drill gaffer, dorsal lander checker [14]
Bridget (F), Danny's girlfriend [15]
Danny (M), Bridget's boyfriend [15]
Rydra (F), head Syreen captain [15]
Trixia (F), Syreen captain [15]
Kay (F), Syreen captain [15]
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: October 02, 2008, 05:57:45 pm by Death 999 »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Shiver
Guest
|
Pkunky (? Spathi) [5, ~6] ( <-- should I change this one? )
Please do. Also don't bring in a VUX captain named "ORZ". There's a few other names on the captain list like that.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
Porn and Koos: Well, that's interesting. Not going to do anything about it, though.
I don't have any plans for named VUX captains aside from Zex, so we should be safe on the Orz front.
Unfortunately, due to a board feature, I can't change anything in the old batch. Should I repost the entire thing with the changes? Or could a moderator somehow refresh or authorize editing the old posts, or something along those lines?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
I apologize for the large delay. I had been kind of stuck on several aspects of the last scene in part 15, but then just this afternoon I realized how to make it work naturally. And so in it went, and there we go.
Part 16 is very complicated, so it may take a little while for me to get it in, but it shouldn't be anything like the several months between 14 and 15.
Also, points for catching the references for the three new captain names.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Shiver
Guest
|
Feeling a bit indifferent to this chapter, though I can see it was primarily a transition.
"I wouldn't totally rule out those to the south. The Androsynth and VUX were very reliable. And they've just landed. Why don't you go down there and say hello?"
That's clunky. Please flesh this part out more.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
Oops. Yeah, I reordered the scene and fixed up only the other three splice points. Should be smoother now.
Updated cast list.
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: October 02, 2008, 05:56:39 pm by Death 999 »
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Death 999
Global Moderator
Enlightened
Offline
Gender:
Posts: 3874
We did. You did. Yes we can. No.
|
Parts 16-18 added. They start on page 2 of the thread, so you don't need to wade through the first 80% of the book.
I have been sitting on these for a while, but was stymied in an effort to retcon in the text due to some rule about not changing board history. Stupid temporal paradoxes.
And I didn't make a new thread because I forgot I could get the old BBCode by replying. But then when I remembered I could do that, I said screw it, I'll put it in the original thread. And there we go.
I have another partially completed section. I will put it up when finished.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Pages: 1 [2] 3
|
|
|
|
|
