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News: Paul Reiche and Fred Ford want to continue the story they started when they created Star Control II — The Ur-Quan Masters. «Happy days and jubilation!» «But wait!» «There is something wrong here... something which makes my sheath retract and my talons ooze.» «Please, Captain, we need your help!»

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| | |-+  Groombridge Log part IV - and the whole book - completed
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Author Topic: Groombridge Log part IV - and the whole book - completed  (Read 4862 times)
Tiberian
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Re: Groombridge Log part IV - and the whole book - completed
« Reply #15 on: December 05, 2014, 05:40:26 pm »

You should make something with Legos then. There's always the chance that yours is the only submission.
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Author of Star Control novelizations Groombridge Log and Eternal Doctrine. http://www.tommisalminenbooks.com
CelticMinstrel
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Re: Groombridge Log part IV - and the whole book - completed
« Reply #16 on: March 15, 2015, 04:06:17 am »

Quote
Ever since they started working on the station eight years
ago, they’ve been receiving a constant encrypted signal from
the Moon base.
This should rather be
Quote
Ever since they had started working on the station eight years ago they had been receiving a constant encrypted signal from the Moon base.
Also it feels a bit off to talk about "a constant encrypted signal". I'd use something along the lines of "periodic encrypted signals" or something like that. For a constant stream of, well, signals I'd always use the plural.
I don't really have a problem with your grammar correction (it sounds fine to me as-is, but "ever since they'd started" also sounds fine), but changing "constant" to "periodic" completely changes the meaning. If it's a constant signal, that implies it keeps looping and never stops transmitting. If it's a periodic signal, then it comes in "pulses" - it transmits for awhile, cuts out for awhile, then repeats ad infinitum.

Quote
Hayes started walking towards the door.
A short while ago I read a blog post on a fanfiction site about constructions like this and strongly discouraged using forms like "started <actioning>", "proceeded <doing>"... While they do make what is written more varied they only serve as filler and in many cases don't read that well.
I personally think there's no problem with this. I wouldn't take people too seriously who recommend not using normal constructs such as this. (As another example, some people recommend avoiding the use of the word "said" when indicating the speaker, but I don't see any reason to do so - of course, sometimes some other word is more suitable, but there's nothing wrong with "said" either.)
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