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Topic: Eternal Doctrine, sequel to Groombridge Log (Read 2090 times)
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Tiberian
*Smell* controller
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Gender: 
Posts: 335
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Those of you who have read Groombridge Log (novel) know that the story is far from over.
The next book in the series is on the way and the first part is now finished. Here is a link to the PDF:
http://koti.mbnet.fi/tibe9mm/Eternal_Doctrine_part_I.pdf
I liked writing it. I hope you all like reading it.
And let's remember to give a special thanks to oldlaptop for proof-reading it.
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SuperTamaru
Zebranky food
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Posts: 25
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[Interest intensifies]
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CelticMinstrel
Enlightened
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Posts: 522
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Reading it now, and I've twice noticed what seems to me to be an incorrect structure for conditional sentences. You're writing them structured like "If they would have done that, it would have been good", but I believe it should be "If they had done that, it would have been good". The first instance I noticed this was somewhere in chapter 1, as I recall, and the second is on page 49.
That aside, it's getting quite interesting!
EDIT: Found two more, the second of which is on page 67-68 and is a bit different since it's in present tense - instead of "if the shuttle would be empty", you should write "if the shuttle were empty". (Mind you, most people also wouldn't object to "if the shuttle was empty"; using "were" makes it subjunctive rather than simple past.) It's followed by a second "if" clause with the same issue.
EDIT2: Typo on page 70! You wrote "lover" where you meant to write "lower".
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« Last Edit: April 22, 2015, 10:06:37 pm by CelticMinstrel »
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Viron
Zebranky food
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I liked your first book!
This part too, was very enjoyable to read,
You have a great talent for writing, I hope you finish up the entire story!
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