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Author Topic: Star Control Story  (Read 27489 times)
Valaggar
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #45 on: March 24, 2007, 10:58:46 am »

And why doesn't the Ilwrath speak all words in capitals? It would look more like an Ilwrath then.
Also, I would make the Pkunk Fury in the prologue resurrect and leave the fight because its fighting frenzy ended and he just realized how much he loved those Ilwraths.

Also, the excerpt from the "Personalized Autobiography" of Farnsworth could be enriched with a few descriptions equivalent of the slides from the game that correspond to the words.
I mean, make the "camera" zoom in slowly to the action/subject.
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Grakelin
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #46 on: March 24, 2007, 04:39:41 pm »

The personalized autobiography thing is just the game's intro text. I didn't want to mess around with it too much. It's a first draft anyway, if I find a way to spruce it up, I will.

I decided to save ressurecting Furies for considerably later on. The Ilwrath have destroyed 2/3rds of their race. If they all resurrect and run away, that is unbelievable. There will be plenty of Pkunk jokes in later chapters.

You would be more pissed off if I wrote the Ilwrath's speech in all capitals. Trust me, it doesn't look good. It works in the game because the letters that are really supposed to be capitilized are considerably larger.

The boots thing is totally my mistake. There was a few weeks where I didn't write between Mercury and the Moon. I thought I had done gravity earlier. I'll change this in the next draft.

I was worried about Hayes' reaction to the ship, as well. I always figured he'd just look through the window and see that it's an alien ship. I like the idea of sending the lander to the station instead of docking. It gives me a chance for another Sparks-style suspicion.

The air on mercury thing is more like literary license. Like how there's also no sound in space. Of course, I plan to spruce up all the scenes a bit, and Mercury was one of the places where I didn't like my variety of language anyway. I'll take the "get off the ground" bit into consideration.

The battle with the Avenger will be looked at, too. I don't like the way it just kinda teetered off and exploded after all the people were worried they'd all die.

"We’ll get it back to normal soon, Sparks,” Zelnick said cheerily. “After all, we have the strongest ship in the galaxy, right?"

Is that the scene where Zelnick seems arrogant? It's what I was going for, Zelnick is young and naive. Sparks quickly corrects him. If it's another one that I just don't remember, point it out to me, and I'll check on it.

For the Second Draft, which may come before or after Chapter 2, I might work on them simultaneously depending on how focused I can stay on the Draft, I have several plans:

-The moon base scene needs to be longer and more interesting. I want this to be a tense moment for the crew, especially after the incident on Mercury. I did badly on this cause the moon is probably my least favorite segment, and I never really thought too much into it. So unlike other segments, I didn't have any ideas going in. It should be quite a bit better the next time around.

-In the battle with the Ilwrath, I want the ending to be more a bit more dramatic. After that scene with everybody saying "Oh god, we're all screwed" it seems anticlimactic. Especially since it's the end of the chapter.

-The Pkunk vs. Ilwrath battle will be fixed up. For obvious reasons. >.>

-I want Leonard from the Tobermoon to be mentioned somewhere else. I realized only after that last fight that I hadn't actually mentioned him yet. He ends up seeming more Deus Ex Machina than anything else that way. D:

-There are several areas that seem rushed. I'll look over these, too.

Chapter 2 will probably start just after the Vindicator has mined the Solar System (I'm not writing about every single mining trip. It would get boring fast), and is heading for Pluto. It will likely continue with a meeting with the Pkunk, the distress signal from Rigel leading to the Zoq-Fot-Pik, and ending with the Vindicator returning to Vela now that they seem to have supporters and resources.
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Valaggar
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #47 on: March 24, 2007, 04:55:11 pm »

Actually, I tried an all-cap Ilwrath text and it looks very well.
Plus, you could use fonts from the game for aliens. Why not?
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Elvish Pillager
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #48 on: March 24, 2007, 08:07:18 pm »

Ilwrath Talk Like This, Puny Hu-Man.

THE WAY THAT THE CHMMR SPEAK CAN MORE ACCURATELY BE CALLED "ALL CAPS".
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Valaggar
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #49 on: March 24, 2007, 09:07:02 pm »

Yer right, dear human.
Forgive us if we forget the importance you attach to such things like this.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2007, 09:08:55 pm by Valaggar » Logged
konthra7
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #50 on: March 24, 2007, 09:10:57 pm »

The all caps thing is merely a method of conveying their way of speaking. However, the author here has the option, and the right, to use other methods of Conveyance. Two examples are as follows:

 When the Chmmr spoke, it was slightly louder than necessary and paused slightly between words.

 or

 The Illwrath in all its grotesque glory spoke. It's speech was a great deal louder than necessary and it was overly pleased with itself.

 Lame, I know, but what do ou expect with no notice?
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #51 on: March 24, 2007, 09:35:30 pm »

"We’ll get it back to normal soon, Sparks,” Zelnick said cheerily. “After all, we have the strongest ship in the galaxy, right?"

Is that the scene where Zelnick seems arrogant? It's what I was going for, Zelnick is young and naive. Sparks quickly corrects him. If it's another one that I just don't remember, point it out to me, and I'll check on it.
That’s the one. If zelnick is meant to be naive and young then I would make sparks reply a little better. Something like: “Don’t forget this ship is only an incomplete skeleton and we have only one.”
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #52 on: March 25, 2007, 01:09:45 am »

Don't fight now, the last thing I want is for this thread to turn into a flame match. There is no such thing as a stupid comment in this thread unless it really has nothing to do with Star Control.

I like Konthra's idea. Different fonts and ALL CAPS works well in a game, but in a literary piece, it rarely works out well. Usually CAPS are used to convey things on signs or on computer screens. Besides, if a person runs through the whole game without sound on their first time, they might imagine something completely differently, regardless of the Ilwrath font.

I can certainly work in some sort of description of how an Ilwrath speaks. It will be in the second draft.

I'll also work on Spark's reply. Much work to do now. Keep the great comments and suggestions coming. Cheesy
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konthra7
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #53 on: March 25, 2007, 06:39:07 pm »

Hey Grak! Do you outline? And if so, how strict are you in following it?
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #54 on: March 25, 2007, 10:23:36 pm »

I outline sometimes, but I use it as a general guide, not as a rule. Mostly it helps when you don't know where to turn next. When you go through the writing process, you get better ideas anyway. Outlines work for some people, and not others. Most cases of writer's block come from people without outlines. Then again, several famous authors refuse to use outlines. It depends on your opinion, really.

For SC2, my outline is the game. If I ignore it, people are gonna be mad and wonder why there was no Yehat Revolt. >.>
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Spektrowski
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #55 on: March 26, 2007, 05:31:30 pm »

Still... what's Zelnick's first name is going to be? Smiley I'd vote for Jiri (Czech name - the last name sounds very Western-Slavic).
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Valaggar
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #56 on: March 26, 2007, 05:39:38 pm »

What about Robert Zelnick?

Or no first name at all.
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konthra7
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #57 on: March 26, 2007, 06:06:56 pm »

That's funny! I was gonna say Roger. Robert works, too! Heh heh. Hmmm....maybe this should be a Poll?
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #58 on: March 26, 2007, 06:42:24 pm »

Bob for short.
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Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #59 on: March 27, 2007, 11:31:22 am »

Or maybe "Strauss"?
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