The Ur-Quan Masters Home Page Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
March 19, 2024, 04:41:59 am
Home Help Search Login Register
News: Celebrating 30 years of Star Control 2 - The Ur-Quan Masters

+  The Ur-Quan Masters Discussion Forum
|-+  The Ur-Quan Masters Re-Release
| |-+  General UQM Discussion (Moderator: Death 999)
| | |-+  Star Control Story
« previous next »
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 ... 8 Print
Author Topic: Star Control Story  (Read 33680 times)
Valaggar
Guest


Email
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #45 on: March 24, 2007, 10:58:46 am »

And why doesn't the Ilwrath speak all words in capitals? It would look more like an Ilwrath then.
Also, I would make the Pkunk Fury in the prologue resurrect and leave the fight because its fighting frenzy ended and he just realized how much he loved those Ilwraths.

Also, the excerpt from the "Personalized Autobiography" of Farnsworth could be enriched with a few descriptions equivalent of the slides from the game that correspond to the words.
I mean, make the "camera" zoom in slowly to the action/subject.
Logged
Grakelin
Frungy champion
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 68



View Profile
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #46 on: March 24, 2007, 04:39:41 pm »

The personalized autobiography thing is just the game's intro text. I didn't want to mess around with it too much. It's a first draft anyway, if I find a way to spruce it up, I will.

I decided to save ressurecting Furies for considerably later on. The Ilwrath have destroyed 2/3rds of their race. If they all resurrect and run away, that is unbelievable. There will be plenty of Pkunk jokes in later chapters.

You would be more pissed off if I wrote the Ilwrath's speech in all capitals. Trust me, it doesn't look good. It works in the game because the letters that are really supposed to be capitilized are considerably larger.

The boots thing is totally my mistake. There was a few weeks where I didn't write between Mercury and the Moon. I thought I had done gravity earlier. I'll change this in the next draft.

I was worried about Hayes' reaction to the ship, as well. I always figured he'd just look through the window and see that it's an alien ship. I like the idea of sending the lander to the station instead of docking. It gives me a chance for another Sparks-style suspicion.

The air on mercury thing is more like literary license. Like how there's also no sound in space. Of course, I plan to spruce up all the scenes a bit, and Mercury was one of the places where I didn't like my variety of language anyway. I'll take the "get off the ground" bit into consideration.

The battle with the Avenger will be looked at, too. I don't like the way it just kinda teetered off and exploded after all the people were worried they'd all die.

"We’ll get it back to normal soon, Sparks,” Zelnick said cheerily. “After all, we have the strongest ship in the galaxy, right?"

Is that the scene where Zelnick seems arrogant? It's what I was going for, Zelnick is young and naive. Sparks quickly corrects him. If it's another one that I just don't remember, point it out to me, and I'll check on it.

For the Second Draft, which may come before or after Chapter 2, I might work on them simultaneously depending on how focused I can stay on the Draft, I have several plans:

-The moon base scene needs to be longer and more interesting. I want this to be a tense moment for the crew, especially after the incident on Mercury. I did badly on this cause the moon is probably my least favorite segment, and I never really thought too much into it. So unlike other segments, I didn't have any ideas going in. It should be quite a bit better the next time around.

-In the battle with the Ilwrath, I want the ending to be more a bit more dramatic. After that scene with everybody saying "Oh god, we're all screwed" it seems anticlimactic. Especially since it's the end of the chapter.

-The Pkunk vs. Ilwrath battle will be fixed up. For obvious reasons. >.>

-I want Leonard from the Tobermoon to be mentioned somewhere else. I realized only after that last fight that I hadn't actually mentioned him yet. He ends up seeming more Deus Ex Machina than anything else that way. D:

-There are several areas that seem rushed. I'll look over these, too.

Chapter 2 will probably start just after the Vindicator has mined the Solar System (I'm not writing about every single mining trip. It would get boring fast), and is heading for Pluto. It will likely continue with a meeting with the Pkunk, the distress signal from Rigel leading to the Zoq-Fot-Pik, and ending with the Vindicator returning to Vela now that they seem to have supporters and resources.
Logged
Valaggar
Guest


Email
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #47 on: March 24, 2007, 04:55:11 pm »

Actually, I tried an all-cap Ilwrath text and it looks very well.
Plus, you could use fonts from the game for aliens. Why not?
Logged
Elvish Pillager
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 625



View Profile
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #48 on: March 24, 2007, 08:07:18 pm »

Ilwrath Talk Like This, Puny Hu-Man.

THE WAY THAT THE CHMMR SPEAK CAN MORE ACCURATELY BE CALLED "ALL CAPS".
Logged

My team of four Androsynth and three Chmmr is the most unfair team ever!
My mod
Valaggar
Guest


Email
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #49 on: March 24, 2007, 09:07:02 pm »

Yer right, dear human.
Forgive us if we forget the importance you attach to such things like this.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2007, 09:08:55 pm by Valaggar » Logged
konthra7
Zebranky food
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 22


You can't see me, and they can't hear you


View Profile WWW
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #50 on: March 24, 2007, 09:10:57 pm »

The all caps thing is merely a method of conveying their way of speaking. However, the author here has the option, and the right, to use other methods of Conveyance. Two examples are as follows:

 When the Chmmr spoke, it was slightly louder than necessary and paused slightly between words.

 or

 The Illwrath in all its grotesque glory spoke. It's speech was a great deal louder than necessary and it was overly pleased with itself.

 Lame, I know, but what do ou expect with no notice?
Logged

They bowed to me, but I bade them stand. They cheered to me, but I made them silent. They fought for me and I bade them peace. They died for me, and I am content.
JonoPorter
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 656


Don't mess with the US.


View Profile WWW
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #51 on: March 24, 2007, 09:35:30 pm »

"We’ll get it back to normal soon, Sparks,” Zelnick said cheerily. “After all, we have the strongest ship in the galaxy, right?"

Is that the scene where Zelnick seems arrogant? It's what I was going for, Zelnick is young and naive. Sparks quickly corrects him. If it's another one that I just don't remember, point it out to me, and I'll check on it.
That’s the one. If zelnick is meant to be naive and young then I would make sparks reply a little better. Something like: “Don’t forget this ship is only an incomplete skeleton and we have only one.”
Logged

There are none so blind as those who will not see. — Jonathan Swift

My Remake of UQM.
My 2D physics engine
Both are written in C#.
Grakelin
Frungy champion
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 68



View Profile
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #52 on: March 25, 2007, 01:09:45 am »

Don't fight now, the last thing I want is for this thread to turn into a flame match. There is no such thing as a stupid comment in this thread unless it really has nothing to do with Star Control.

I like Konthra's idea. Different fonts and ALL CAPS works well in a game, but in a literary piece, it rarely works out well. Usually CAPS are used to convey things on signs or on computer screens. Besides, if a person runs through the whole game without sound on their first time, they might imagine something completely differently, regardless of the Ilwrath font.

I can certainly work in some sort of description of how an Ilwrath speaks. It will be in the second draft.

I'll also work on Spark's reply. Much work to do now. Keep the great comments and suggestions coming. Cheesy
Logged
konthra7
Zebranky food
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 22


You can't see me, and they can't hear you


View Profile WWW
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #53 on: March 25, 2007, 06:39:07 pm »

Hey Grak! Do you outline? And if so, how strict are you in following it?
Logged

They bowed to me, but I bade them stand. They cheered to me, but I made them silent. They fought for me and I bade them peace. They died for me, and I am content.
Grakelin
Frungy champion
**
Offline Offline

Posts: 68



View Profile
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #54 on: March 25, 2007, 10:23:36 pm »

I outline sometimes, but I use it as a general guide, not as a rule. Mostly it helps when you don't know where to turn next. When you go through the writing process, you get better ideas anyway. Outlines work for some people, and not others. Most cases of writer's block come from people without outlines. Then again, several famous authors refuse to use outlines. It depends on your opinion, really.

For SC2, my outline is the game. If I ignore it, people are gonna be mad and wonder why there was no Yehat Revolt. >.>
Logged
Spektrowski
Frungy champion
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 77



View Profile
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #55 on: March 26, 2007, 05:31:30 pm »

Still... what's Zelnick's first name is going to be? Smiley I'd vote for Jiri (Czech name - the last name sounds very Western-Slavic).
Logged
Valaggar
Guest


Email
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #56 on: March 26, 2007, 05:39:38 pm »

What about Robert Zelnick?

Or no first name at all.
Logged
konthra7
Zebranky food
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 22


You can't see me, and they can't hear you


View Profile WWW
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #57 on: March 26, 2007, 06:06:56 pm »

That's funny! I was gonna say Roger. Robert works, too! Heh heh. Hmmm....maybe this should be a Poll?
Logged

They bowed to me, but I bade them stand. They cheered to me, but I made them silent. They fought for me and I bade them peace. They died for me, and I am content.
meep-eep
Forum Admin
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 2847



View Profile
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #58 on: March 26, 2007, 06:42:24 pm »

Bob for short.
Logged

“When Juffo-Wup is complete
when at last there is no Void, no Non
when the Creators return
then we can finally rest.”
Novus
Enlightened
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Posts: 1938


Fot or not?


View Profile
Re: Star Control Story
« Reply #59 on: March 27, 2007, 11:31:22 am »

Or maybe "Strauss"?
Logged

RTFM = Read the fine manual.
RTTFAQ = Read the Ur-Quan Masters Technical FAQ.
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 ... 8 Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  


Login with username, password and session length

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!